My one-liners usually need two lines of explanation.

My wife and I have been married way too long. Early in our marriage, sex was an adventure. All our focus was on each other. O.K. ...

True story: I met a lady who introduced herself as an advocate for the homeless. She insisted, quite passionately, that the homeless...

When people tell me “Honesty is the best policy”, I think they are lying.

When someone tells me “Nobody’s perfect”, I assume they must be talking about somebody else.

Don't like to get serious too often. But this should upset every parent, liberal and conservative. Maybe it will make some students...

I’m single because, as it turns out, I am the only person alive comfortable with my sexuality.

What ABOUT Yerkes? He’s all about silliness and laughs without consequences. So…. F@$% Yerkes

She never stays at hotels Winnie Bago

Political correctness? When has being political ever been correct?

Actors hire photographers to get headshots and assassins will take headshots. If you have not seen your favorite actor for a while, he...

Ladies who repeatedly vote for the politicians who never keep promises are the kind of ladies I like to date.

When my Mom reached the age when she needed more help, I did my best to make things easier for her. Before I went to work in the morning,...

Have you noticed the politicians that want to defund the police are the same politicians who do not want us owning guns to defend ourselves?

As a kid with very little control, my parents bought me underwear because I always needed them. I regret not returning the favor when...

My neighbor gave me beer after breaking my sprinkler. Whenever his kids pee in my pool, he gives me beer. His dog craps in my yard, he...

'History repeats itself' is the most glamorous excuse to continue drinking.

I collect old books. None of them are worth much, but I like history. Reading what someone wrote 150 years ago gives me some insight...

Always being the last to know means that everyone who knew before you had plenty of time to mess things up.

Donating money is good. I think it is the responsibility of every human to donate what they can. But you should donate responsibly, and...