The only way I can be truly happy is if everyone else is as miserable as I am.

Anyone into fetishes deserves a good spanking

I do not want to be abducted and probed by extraterrestrials. However, I think it might be interesting to watch it happen to someone else.

I know you can have your choice of any man you want. But it would really make me happy if you can imagine, at least for one night, that...

All the voices in my head agree that I am crazy.

Dolly Parton has agreed to pay the college tuition for everyone one of her workers at Dollywood. . .with the money she keeps stashed in...

I never give my wife the satisfaction of telling her when she is right. However, I learned to keep my mouth shut when she tells me that...

Asking your girlfriend if she would like to have a ménage à trois is like playing Russian roulette using a gun with one chamber empty....

What you are saying is definitely true. But it goes against every opinion I ever had. And that’s why I am not going to lose this argument.

When it comes to government policy, it’s only as good as the people who don’t know what they are talking about say it is.

Mistakes will always come back to haunt you, unless you are a politician. Then your mistakes come back to haunt the people who voted you...

Laugh and the world laughs at you. Cry and you cry alone, again.

I looked in the mirror and my reflection ignored me.

I consider the lady handing out samples at the grocery store a lunch date.

There is always someone who is going to be insulted by something you say. If that’s the case, I say don’t pull any punches and make the...

I’ll pretend to be interested in what you’re talking about if you pretend that I’m listening.

I'm not an expert on the subject. But I do read enough porn to stay current

I heard that the 'new' trend in dating is for people to meet in person to get to know more about each other. Apparently, single people...

I found true freedom in social media as long as I restrict what I say and how I say it.

You are free to express yourself as an individual. Just make sure your individual expression conforms to one of the preapproved...