The smartest people are not afraid to say, “I don’t know.” I don’t know where I heard this.

There has been enough grainy and out of focus pictures of Bigfoot to convince me that it exists.

Group therapy may not be the best choice to help cure a sex addiction.

I stopped trying to impress people years ago. What bugs me is nobody noticed the difference.

Threatening to sell the nude pictures of an exhibitionist.

Intelligence is sexy. Unfortunately, all the intelligent women know better than to sleep with me.

For guys, making love is just like riding a bike. Just one more way to get to where you want to go as fast as possible.

I take as much time as possible during foreplay because it delays the inevitable disappointment my date is going to experience.

It’s easy to focus your hostilities if you only complain about the people who complain about everything.

It's a mistake to think you are better than anyone else. It's an even bigger mistake to think you are better than me.

If you want my two cents worth, it’ll cost you a nickel.

They’re selling Viagra for nine dollars a pill. For me, that’s three dollars an inch. I just don’t know if it’s worth it.

The only woman I try to impress in bed is my wife. Key word here, “try”. She is never impressed but I think she appreciates the effort.

'Love is blind' is the worst possible excuse to date someone you have no business being with.

Love is never having to say you're sorry more than five times for doing something stupid. And five more times every day she reminds you...

I’ll try anything once. Hell, I'll do it twice if I don’t get caught the first time.

Without the free exchange of ideas, it becomes harder to determine who the real idiots are. It is certain that those who limit the free...

Never criticize anyone's marriage. It is just plain mean. Say something nice like, "I am sure you both will spend a happy three months...

People who believe ‘a smile will brighten everyone's day’ usually get hit by someone in a bad mood. . . or bit by a dog in a bad mood.

People who believe 'it is never too late' will probably try crossing the train tracks with the gates down. Consider this my attempt at a...